Sunday, September 15, 2019

Biting more than what you can chew?

A man has to have hobbies and goals to pursue. A goal because he needs to have purpose in life, or else, he becomes a vegetable - a hobby, because while his journey towards his destination becomes tiresome, he needs to rejuvenate and perhaps get back to his track. 

It wasn't the first time that me and one of my friends were standing at balcony and contemplating about life. How we compared about how we were some five years ago and how we are today. At our age, most of my friends find it tough time to deliver what they are assigned upon, not that we have become inefficient, but we just have too many things going on.

Today, I have some five engineers that I have to look after. I have not been able to complete few of my works and I have been feeling guilty. I am not procrastinating, however, I am not getting time. A lot of people think that we are making money, but we are not. We have been busy with our works too much and because the way we are and the way we function, I sort of feel that I have bitten more than I could possible chew or swallow. I thought I was good at swallowing? 

This has not only effected my productivity, but somewhere, I have learnt to doubt myself, that can I really work or should I really work? Because, in the past, while I was posted in PHPA, I had six sites for myself and I did pretty well. Albeit, some folks had accused me of doing other works, how would they know that even writing Measurement Books would give you swollen fingers. Besides, those were the days, when I had some 26 Measurement Books issued to myself, and I would never ask my subordinates to write MBs for me, because I didn't like their hand writings. Of course, I did sort help from few folks I knew then, but I would never ask again : for the same reasons - hand writings! 

Recently, I have been bugged with few of events that I have not been able to complete and somewhere, I have realized that I too have lost zeal. I am trying to find them in motivational talks and I have tried to find zeal over books - but how could I possible entertain reading books while I have so much pending works? 

During my vacation with my wife, I read a small book, by Spencer Johnson M.D., "Who moved my cheese?". 

Isn't it good to read things and get motivated? But what if you realize that you haven't? What if you realize that the very things which you could complete in few minutes now takes ages? What if you are in acceptance to what the world tells you: you have become slow? 

Somewhere, there might be a light towards the end of the tunnel, and I am not to give up - did I not become passionate? Is this not what I am destined to do? Am I really failing? Will this have its impact upon my market? Will it hamper my image? 

And with these thoughts, I try to change my life pattern - perhaps, exercises and slimming down will help? Will it though? 

Life has become a bit stressful, and I don't know, perhaps, I reached here before my age - I need to shake myself and get back to track. I just don't know how? 

Perhaps, there is no such thing called biting more than chewing, perhaps, you just see too much food on table, you get yourself too confused what to eat? 

A step that I wanted to take, because I realized that I have not been reading, writing and painting. The hobbies which I had passion for - because I was too busy pursuing goals which - for anybody involved in with - always complains about, is too much FREAKING stressful! But, if I am not writing, then what am I working for? 

1 comment:

  1. I like how you come up with an essay to answer my questions and complaints :) and not everyone can say I already have lot in my plate, because capitalism you know :)


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