Saturday, April 30, 2016

Why Knight?

The fire dances sharing its luminescence with people dancing around, 
While its rays bounces on the surface of turbulent river,
I witness the battle of moon and fire on eddies and vortex, while the surface of river itself battles with wind, 
shadows dazzling on faces which smiled, on bodies which were momentarily in commotion, 
while cigarette smoke had no chance to be seen, music about not getting worried echoed to the other bank, 
while everybody got lost in those giggles and flamboyant moment, 
I stood leaning next to a tree, worrying and getting consumed over things visible and invisible, doubting my own existence, was I born wrong or was I born to be this sad or was I born to be treated this way or was my existence something disgraceful?

I would read a lot during my Engineering days, and those were the days when Greek letters on equations didn't mean much to me, those presumptions of conditions were never feasible to my soul who loved art, those conditions whereby few parameters were kept constant - when is anything constant and passive? The whole universe worships entropy. 

I was told by a scholar that Tamangs were a tribe of people who knew the language of horses and later they were in Tibet, and their regime were cavaliers. And whether one had lance or not, a cavalier has a potential to be a knight :p. I kept that name when I read that artictle back then in 2010 I presume, and from there on, it has been tug of war over naming myself on social media. Because I have envied all those great writers and the downfall of being a fan and a worshiper is that, fans usually follow their idols. Did you know that Charles Dickens had his pen name as Boz? I hope I am getting my facts right. 

So, when I read about Tamang people and read that Ta meant Horse and Mang was a derivative of Mag which meant warrior, I went by my pen name as Dawa Knight. Today if you go to Wikipedia and again read about Tamang, they would tell you that Tamangs were merchants. I don't know what they are or what they were. I read it in the year 2010 and I took the name Knight then. It's too late to be Dawa Marwari now. Wikipedia isn't that reliable, is it? :p. 

But lately too much had happened, never did I question myself over who I am and what I am? I was made to rethink about that, yes that, my own existence. 

I would ponder and feel very bad about this and the repercussions of those events weren't much in my favor, I became the monster that I never wanted to be and took things so much negatively. It didn't happen over night, it took years but interestingly it only took few months to return back. You see, we were brought up in mixed-cultural family, and racist jokes were something we would laugh about, we never treated people that ways. We would discuss in our home about how orthodox the Southern Bhutanese Culture was towards the so called 'lower-caste' people and how folks behaved because their brains were still primitive, as if they hadn't known the discovery of fire. And all those things: all those things we were taught, all those things I would read about, all those things I would have known, tacitly or which were ideas adventitious or innate- were challenged by nitwits. 

The stained pages now remind me that I should flip them over and over again,  - I forgive myself for getting involved and having hopes for things that would never change. Certain things don't change. 

You see, I had bagged scholarship and government didn't restrict me from scholarship for having my surname. I got job and people came to my house from different modes of lives, they didn't judge me because of my surname. I made friends from different castes and regions and they didn't look at my surname. I work today in office and they don't know me by my surname but by my work. And why would I feel that ways about myself? 

So, I go back to being Dawa Knight and yes, that's my pen name. Who didn't point his lance but will surely point his pen from here on. Sometimes being positive is being negative and cutting loose of certain people like amputating an arm or a leg. Things people do to be alive and I was just battling thoughts, mere thoughts. Perhaps, not all of us perceive things in same magnitude and it intensifies bigger damages in those who can remember things vividly. Hereby, I would not claim myself an extremist over a tribe whose trade or way of life I am not very much acquainted with. You see, a man doesn't belong to any culture or tradition I believe, because he adapts to environment. The way we are raised has bigger impacts in our lives than the ways we are taught about our surroundings. You will know about this when you go abroad and raise your kids in Manhattan. It has already begun, the current generation of Southern Bhutanese don't treat their so called 'lower-caste' folks like their ancestors did. Inter caste marriages occur and people have started to mix from west to east to south. It is for good, a better set of humans will be born, who will have better immune system and better logic. 

We all change, and that is for good. We all have to change. We have preserved our culture, we should as well. But certain things that doesn't suit our existence should be forgone. Nobody now wants a civil war, which once was a mode of life for many. We shouldn't forget who we are, but we shouldn't be too blinded as well that we forget to behave as a human. Culture and tradition, do make us unique but this is something one can learn over the time, we shouldn't refrain ourselves from mixing with others because of the differences that we have. Because if we still stick to that paradigm, what difference does it make? Rather than we being those outdated folks on the shores of Babylon which Alexandra the Great himself wanted to mix with others, for a better race. And the next time you get pumped up over culture, tradition, race, caste, religion, skin colour, and all those things that matter to you: Know that in the universe, you don't even exist, while Nebulae too fight for their existence. That's how small and puny we all are, and hatred is the last thing one needs to pay heed to.

The fire dances sharing its luminescence with people dancing around, 
While its rays bounces on the surface of turbulent river,
I witness the battle of moon and fire on eddies and vortex, while the surface of river itself battles with wind, 
shadows dazzling on faces which smiled, on bodies which were momentarily in commotion, 
while cigarette smoke had no chance to be seen, music about not getting worried echoed to the other bank, 
while everybody got lost in those giggles and flamboyant moment, 
I stood leaning next to a tree, worrying and getting consumed over things visible and invisible, doubting my own existence, was I born wrong or was I born to be this sad or was I born to be treated this way or was my existence something disgraceful? And all those thoughts fade away, because I am more than a name, more than just a face in the crowd. 

By Dawa Tamang. 

Ps: Done with the break. Wrote this for a very pretty lady who asked me: Why Knight? 

1 comment :

  1. Interesting conceptualization of your very name. Even I was wondering why you called yourself "Dawa Knight". And I remember asking you a few occassions, clearly though, why you named yourself "Knight". But you never bothered to answer me. Now this long post on your name, particularly written for a pretty lady, errmm hhmmm! After all, you are also a man, isn't it? Good post, Dawa; write more about you, and it is ok even you write for ladies.

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