Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Will it matter?

Some people can dance, some can sing, some can be pretty, some can be pretty mean and then......

These days I am tangled upon between my thoughts, which isn't much new to me. I have come to this age that it doesn't bother me, my thoughts don't bother me at all. 

I wonder what we do right now would even bother in the end? The good things, the bad things, the mean persons we never wanted to be yet we landed up being that person, the things we didn't want to face yet we had to and the list goes on and on, this is stupid life.

In all these, I been thinking lately, will it really matter? Will Shakuntala Aunty's tantrums really matter? Will you being broke or making a hell lot of money matter? Will falling in love and getting your heart broken actually matter? Will you getting married and having kids really matter? Will you reading those thousands snippets and books really matter? Will knowing most of darker secrets of this world really matter? Will you being surrounded by good people or mean really matter? Will anything actually matter? What if you said those mean things and you die, and you didn't even mean those things, but death's claws never let you explain, how much you wanted redemption? Sinning and divinity, will it matter, will it matter in the end?

Some say, that when you die, your entire life flashes back, will I regret my life or will I rejoice over it? The last time I thought I be dead, nothing flashed in front of me. I found myself being very mad at myself for even being in that phase. Will I be remembered or forgotten, will I contribute to humanity or not, all these things seem so insignificant, for I will be long gone and dead.

It is only then, I realize, that nothing matters in the end, it only matters now. It matters how I behave with you, it matters how much I will care for you, how I love you, how I make you laugh and you make me laugh, how I will take you as my friend, how I will react to Shakuntala Aunty ( a funny character I like to use as Dophu and Dhanmaya ), how I am around. Apart from that, nothing else matters. Because while I am dead and gone, your muses, your tears, your praises and accolades, your mean words, your regrets, nothing will matter. So, don't cry when I am gone, don't miss me when I am gone, don't repent those memories, don't repent those memories that you might or would have had with me. Don't keep me in your prayers, don't think good for me and don't wish worse for me, I am doing whatsoever I can just to be around.

In the end, all it matters is nothing. And that's simply impermanence, there are 7 billion plus people in this world, and not everybody matters to us.

Some people can dance, some can sing, some can be pretty, some can be pretty mean, some can be religious, some can be just like East India Company at exploiting you, some can be very supportive, some are born geniuses, some can never learn no matter how much they try to upthrust knowledge upon them, some can be ugly, some can be Devdas, some can be David, some just Ratho Namgay, some are really really nice. Good or bad, in the end, nothing will matter, we will be consumed by fire or rot away with maggots feeding upon us, how you have them around right now is all that I wish for, and here I am, seeing my family and loved ones at their bests and worsts, still loving them whole heartedly. Nothing matters in the end, all that matters is right now, right here, and how we treat each other. Forgive me if I were ever mean to you, for I know in my heart, it was never intentional.

Ps: The journey shouldn't be made bitter for the ones who will come and value our beings, rather than repenting, dwelling over the thoughts of those who exploited you and took all that was, you.

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