Saturday, November 28, 2015

Weird experience.

It is her wedding and I am already half drunk, what a handsome groom you all would say. But I have smoked two packets of cigarettes already and am I having a cold feet? 

I remember the first time I saw her. I wasn't much into her and how each day we became good friends and fell in love. It wasn't an easy job, you know to stick around her. It has had always been a tough one, and I wonder how much of a man I am for her? The world would tell me on my face that she didn't love me at all, yet I continued and today I ponder, was I really in love with her? Am I still getting cold feet? I gulp one more whiskey, puff one more cigarette, and ask my best friend to go fetch me more ale and tobacco sticks. He however refuses and asks me to leave the premises.  I don't get it however. 

I am taken back to the days when I was broke and how she never gave up on me, when she bought those two boxes of pizza on valentine's night. She should have left me then as I know half of the girls in this world would.  The days when the whole world wanted me to see as a successful man and she knew my struggles, it still didn't matter to her. Oh she knew it all. 

I look in the mirror for the last time and drink the remaining whiskey left in the bottle. As I gulp it all down my throat, and throw that bottle, as I look into the mirror again and see my eyes tearful, as I look at my best man who simply sympathizes me, as I burn one last cigarette and smoke it away for the final time. As I get ready for my vows from there on, I get on my knees and cry a thousand drops of tears with bizarre noises which hippos would make while they mated, as I cover my face and cry out loud - this time however, the lions roaring. 

As I lay on floor all wasted, with all my tears dried, with swollen tear ducts and diaphragm still hurting, I look into the mirror one last time. "She is getting married today. Though you are invited you can't go there" , that's what my best friend tells me before he leaves. I tell myself, there's a place between sobriety and drunkenness, I will see you there. 

~ 3.20 am, I get up to this dream. Damn it. Still the face of the girl blurry, who the heck was she?

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