Thursday, February 19, 2015

Conversations with Death.

Something funny I thought. Read the notes by Death with Chris Rocks' voice.



Me: So You have finally arrived here to take me? Tell me will it be painful? Tell me will it be now or you just going to hang out with me like Joe Black?

Death: Time is now, I have come to take you, Dawa.

Me: Oh, do you mind a cup of coffee?

Death: I don't do Coffee with Karan.

Me: Okay, I didn't know you had sense of humour. And thank god, I am running short of sugar.

Death: I always had that in me, I am the most humourous guy you would have ever met. And trust me I have done my job in a most humourous ways, that some of it were never socially acceptable by mortals. Like I have taken so many men while having sex, basically while cheating. Did you read the statistics on that? Men usually die out of heart attack. It's just that I love to give them what they crave for, and I give it to them for the last time. Life, my brother, also doesn't want to keep the infidels for long. And I don't have to make more trips to site and office so, I am like, what the heck. Let me take this infidel as well, while I am here. I have other stories as well, I am not sure whether you be interested or not?

Me: really? Do you mind if I tell you that I am interested to hear?

Death: You are interested to hear, not listen. Now come mortal!

Me: My phone is not working and it has been switched off for a while.

Death: Why would you buy Sony phone with inbuilt batteries?

Me: Well, as you know, whole my life, I couldn't afford a better one.

Death: Life is a bitch, isn't it? I don't know why people prefer my elder brother Life more than me.

Me: Maybe, because you make them realize that everything that they do in their lives, you make it insignificant, just like snap of fingers?

Death sits on my chair and looks me in the eye and continues talking.

Death: Yeah, that I do it. But it is nothing but out of sheer humour. You see Dawa, You all have purposes with Life, and some of you do it and some of you never figure out. But it is a humour, like I said.

Me: How is it humour? You haven't answered me that.

Death: I will tell you in your oblivion. (Laughs).

Me: Don't do that, it sounds so creepy.

Death: Why? Because I am here to take you away? Dawa, this isn't the first time I am taking you away. There were numerous times and this conversation as well, you chose it once. You said before you were born, that when I come to take you, you wanted to have conversation with me. And not to forget, you owe me 50 souls of work.

Me: Is that one of your blokes? I don't know about 50 souls of what? Anyways, why is it that you are here? Was it the cigarettes or the alcohol?

Death: No, it is because of the fats that you consumed in this life. You were supposed to eat this amount of calories in your lifetime, but KFC might have been very much yummy that you ate up your next 15 years' stock in these past five years.

Me: Oh okay, can't I jog and you wait?

Death: It doesn't work that way. The food and energy to keep you alive, by my brother Life is exhausted. You can have no more, or else, the kids in Africa die because of your imbalance.

Me: isn't the world designed to be so? I mean, someone is having extra food and eating up someone's share.

Death: Yeah, but I am visiting places more often these days. Trust me, it took me centuries to be this busy, the last time I was busy was during Black Death. Oh, I always thought that would be the toughest days of my life, but I was wrong. This strout from Russia, Stalin and Germany, Hitler kept me so busy. Even Mao Zhedong kept me busy. But that was during the World Wars and I didn't think that it was busier days, but the Black Death. Black Death however was my starting days of me being busy.

Me: Oh, Sorry to hear that. And why so many visits recently?

Death: Don't be, let's be professional. So many visits because you fools have fornicated more and produced 7 billion of your kind. That's why knuckle head.

Me: Okay, so how do you take me? Do you hold my hand?

Death: Haa haa.. Nah. I don't hold hands, I am not staring an UP scene with you Dawa.

Me: Okay, fine. So, tell me did I live my fullest? Was my life worth?

Death: I don't know, I already told you that you ate up your 15 years. Your chores are transferred to your friends and family. They will be there at those junctions where you were supposed to be. Like talking to that particular psychopath who might or might not kill himself before his time, but has an encounter with you whereby you have to talk with him. Now that will be done by your friend Tashi. Tashi seems to be the suitable candidate to talk to him. And that promotion you wanted, shall go to your friend Rigzin. You get what I am trying to say?

Me: Is it only the food that is the reason why I am leaving so fast?

Death: You see, the planet is getting polluted. And food will be running out. Then there will be too much of work for me. I will have to do overtimes then. So, here I am, not procastinating.

Me: Oh, what a wonderful idea.

Death: I know. Experience bro, experience.

Me: So, do you like this job?

Death: Well, I love it.

Me: Do I go to heaven or hell?

Death: I don't know Dawa, I am just a messenger, a delivery medium. Your vacation before you come to this planet again is not my headache. You will be judged by your own Religious department.

Me: My own religious department? How?

Death: It is funny how you mortals have formed it. You call him by so many names, but he will decide where you go. And I don't want to piss you off by saying that Yamraj will decide or Choejey Karpo, because I don't want to upset you for your beliefs.

Me: You know I am agnostic, who shall decide?

Death: There is only one department to decide your fate and that is not me. Agnostics are prepared, good. You might not have much problem whether you are tortured for eternity or dance around the clouds. It is the atheist people I am concerned about. It is more painful for them, even my visits are nothing for them.

Me: Well, so, can we go now?

Death: no I am enjoying this converstaion. Let's have part II of your article, let's discuss some policians and businessmen go.

Me: Okay, let's discuss it. But not today. I am feeling sleepy and um, I write a serious note on our converstaions tomorrow right?

Death: Okay, usually I don't negotiate, but what the heck.

Ps: Death: Please read the next articles of me and Dawa conversing. Till then stay tuned and follow us. The suscribe button is on the right. You can follow by Network blogs or simply google follow.

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