Monday, March 25, 2013

Life as it Slips from my fingers.

It is windy outside, and the reason why it is beautiful? Just that I can see it fondle with the paddy and the unknown harvest besides paddies. The atmosphere is intense, it gives me energy to think the unthinkable, it makes me believe those dreams which I shall live someday, it gives me courage yet saddens me, flashing my life lived till date. Full of regrets and what ifs, at the same time full of mistakes and at some point, memories that make me laugh so hard that if those passersby would witness this sub tropical bear standing behind the window, would probably think HE GONE MAD ( please switch on your chinese accent).

I guess at my age, not many will be happy with their lives, and I am not sure how many will pretend that they would. The finding oneself at the bottom of the bottle or dancing on the tune that barely makes sense because you already have plunged into the abyss of hallucination, that is something we chose to keep us content? Reality sucks perhaps, that is why we all want to escape it. Let the shadows betray us, but accept the fact that we are not meant to shine either.

Twenty Five I will be something else, but I at least have figured what I will not be. That would be our motto while we bid farewell to teenage, but twenty five is two years ahead and you are exactly the person you didn't want to be at one point.

But we do get up early and go to work, perhaps it is a sad sad day tomorrow and what else could be sadder than today you think, but tomorrow holds promises that you don't believe.

By this age, I had thought I would be in London or Toronto or New York or Sydney, living my big dream, but here I lie, beaten by fate, beaten up by life. You can't beat life though, the strength lies within those who can keep up with life, who just  can move on. But where are my powers of moving on? And why do I have flab in place of pack?

Did I engineer my life so bad that I deserve to be where I stand? I probably didn't. I was suppose to be happy? I did all that could make my life better and yet I am unsatisfied with it? What a shitty deal is it?

And the wind blows, and don't mind it. It isn't breeze however, it would make me chill to my bones, and dissolve every other problem I ponder on to. It would take away all those things that mattered few minutes ago. So I open the window, let the wind touch me, and I get flown away in imagination, so far away that I have ever gone. Become Elvis Presley and do the one two one two makaroon... (that is what I know it to be :p)... Forget where I stand today in life, forget what made me sad. And yet I realize, life did slip away in past, it will do the same tomorrow, I just have to plan better, think better and act on it.

It is still windy outside, and what makes it beautiful? It just can't touch me I thought, my hair is messy, wavy and I do not have control over anything. I accept one fact in life, nothing will go as I wish to, be it my love life or family or professional life. I however don't wish to accept it as it comes. I am not your landfill life. If the commodities you provide me are of inferior quality, I shall stand for it. Contemplation started. Life! You can't beat me here, I don't know about others but I am not done yet with you, not yet, not yet, not now.

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