Saturday, January 26, 2013

Motithang Days E7: SEX Education!

Before we grew up, before we got ourselves into this abattoirs whereby we slaughter our hopes and dreams everyday, before we started paying Taxes, before we could actually think of getting married or settled, before we thought whether our paychecks would be able to sustain ourselves and family, before we thought of every other things that seemed simply impossible and now actually impossible, we all were once students.

When I live my days now, I wish I was that same old student out there in Motithang whereby I didn't have much to do, read what I liked and quantum physics actually made sense then. Still, imagination has this splendid way to cheer our lives in such agog that every aberration simply seems forgiven. With hope not abandoning never, we could become superman and invincible, oh imagination thou gives us all strength.

I reminisce about my high school days and wish that I was actually living those days one more time, before I lost a friend, before I became who I am today and before most of us changed.

It was during one of those days when we were told that after noon classes were cancelled for Sex Education. All the boys were taken to basket ball court and all the girls were taken into Auditorium. Girls were talked about sex by female teachers while we had Mr. Manoj and Bar Tendu aka bartender. Both of them were Biharis and they had the accent while they spoke in English. Not that we were aware of Rusell Peters then, it would have been hilarious. Anyways, we were told about STDs and Puberty. Then, the most interesting things happened, the floor was broken for Questions and answers.

One of the boys boldly got up and asked, Sir, what shall I do when I want to have sex?

Sir: You should control it.
We all laughed.

Boy: Sir, If I can't control?

Sir: Then masturbate. 

Boy: But Sir, if I can't control and masturbation is not the solution?

Sir Bar Tendu thought he was just a teenager who was confused and refused the fact that the boy was just having fun with his answers.

Sir: You should see whether a girl is ready or not.

Boy: What if the girl is there?

Sir: You do have girls in your class right?
The boy nodded.

Sir: Does that mean you will have sex there in the class itself in front of everybody! No right! You should see where you are as well.

Those answers were so stupid, but funny. We all laughed and clapped for his answer. Our Sir was enjoying his answers and the feed backs he was getting.

It was then when one of our friends, whom we called Goldberg got up and asked this question:

Sir, what happens to you when you masturbate with dirty hands? (When he said Masturbate with dirty hands he acted as thought he was masturbating, he gave the jiggling!)

We all laughed.

To this Sir said: You see, if you don't take bath you get sick right? Just like that your penis will get sick as well. To this, we all laughed and clapped. Bravo!

Then it was one of our notorious friends who got up and asked:

Sir, what happens if we have sex with the... (he looked towards the left and acted innocent and said:) COW!

We all laughed, we couldn't help it at all. I was holding my belly hard for it hurt so bad out of laughter. My eyes were wet out of laughing too much!

Sir: See, ( In Bihari English Tone) If you want to have sex with the cow, first of all, there is something wrong with you! You must control it. If you want to have sex with cow today then tomorrow it might be bu-fa-lo!

We all laughed on that too.

There were lame questions as well and at one point our teacher even showed us how to hold our whinny and pleasure ourselves. One boy even asked why different condoms had different smells and flavours. The answer was simple, Sir said: There are so many soaps in the market, nirma, liril, lux, etc. Different companies different brand! The answer was funny yet effective.

We all laughed till the end with most stupid questions, and the smartest one we thought in high school was that, if a mosquito bit HIV positive person and a person who didn't have HIV, will that transfer HIV?

When I look back, I find it very much funny, for nothing we did or wanted to do didn't seem questionable, we were protected by the shield branded: The Student! Now I wonder, was that sex education really important? I have no idea whether the kids are still given sex education in schools.

Please don't get provoked with the language and most of the raw materials not being shared here. 

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