Monday, December 31, 2012

The Old Man and I

I look him in the eye, I forget his wrinkles and then I focus on his smile, his teeth misaligned, few missing and his hair white, as though morning dews have frozen on hay. He chewed doma and had he been of my age, no wonder that man would have many lovers pulling off vampire fantasy for my generation bimbos. I wonder about his tales, tales of glory, tales of failure and tales of mere struggle.

How does it feel like to be him? I focus on this too much that I fully plunge myself  in to his shoes, be on those paddy fields where he chased his damsels, be the man who walked thick forests with heavy luggage and yet, pull it off. Be on the fishing point and eat them half cooked half burned chilli peppered and salted, meet the demons and meet the angels, and at times be the angel, the savior and be betrayed.

With the fudged state of mind and being a fuddy-duddy, I wonder at what phase he had given up on ideas and what age he stopped learning itself. Few more days or few more years, he can’t guarantee but he surely has so many memories to cherish so many tales to tell and so many secrets he will take to his grave. 

But now that he is old, the knight can’t ride his horse, none of his charms would work on women though his talks haven’t become verbose, with the wits that he has accumulated, with the diplomacy and peace of his mind, he still sits smiling grabbing his beats, praying, perhaps his end of the days are here and even he doesn't know when, but has he accumulated what he wanted? Did he actually live his dreams or were his life just failure? Did he even marry his soul mate or did he always regret not wooing the One that got away?

Perhaps a young man like me shall never know, for there are many days to see to see what he saw and sees now, or maybe not, perhaps I shall die like him or my soul be whacked out of my body with a boulder that I will see while I breathe the last breath or never will see what got me, with or without pain impulses reaching my mind? I do not know. Yet, I stare at him wondering about him and his life lived, the journey that will come to an end, and imagine of all those people who are not of my generation. Maybe he shared the same moments with his colleagues who achieved more than he did, maybe he did break breads with people happier than and sadder than him, but nothing shall make him similar to those around him. How did he feel when the woman he lived his whole life with passed away? Did he feel lonely? How his midlife crisis was and how many times did he kiss his wife? Did he even treat her well? How were the hangover days when he drank more ale? Does he miss that day when he first lost his virginity? Did he ever get caught up in funny incidents or was his life just black and white? I would never know that, and yet I stared at him, the smiling old man who seemed happier than me even though he would have lesser pennies than I had, he might not have eaten well or that gho he wore wasn't washed for months, but he surely seemed happier than me. In a moment, my vehicle would come; the driver would say Sir and execute whatever task I assigned him, but that old man left me in a fudged state and made me feel like a fuckwit. Perhaps, his days were near and he had found what every man had searched for, the ultimate formula solved, the dream lived, the wishes granted: the peace of mind when he leaves the world. Will he be a spirit? Will he see how his body will be cremated and what would it be like to stand on the other side and watch? What will he remember when he takes his last breath? Will his whole life flash in front of him? Will relativity actually play its game for him? That for sure is something we would never know, only the ones who go to the other side would.

The vehicle came and the old man still sat there, I got into vehicle and headed towards my office, but it didn’t quite leave me, the thoughts, thoughts that invoked me what reality was for me, whether I chose or not, it simply isn’t for me to decide when not to get old, I can pamper or fool my mind saying it is just a state of mind, but whom am I fooling? One day, we all will grow old, and let’s enjoy life now, is not a consultation I give, but let’s make out of life so, that we meet with peace, perhaps before we grow old and have it on our feet, rather than unwillingly while we walk on our knees. Happiness, thou art Bitch.

Happy new year. 

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